Zoë Catherine Snyder - The Saga Begins
September 5, 2001
Zoë is a week old today. My mom has been here with us since she was born and is going home tomorrow. Zoë is a remarkably good baby. She breast feeds like a champ and we get along fine. Our nights are fairly easy. She sleeps in bed with us so that all I have to do is roll over, nurse her and go back to sleep. I’m getting about 5-6 hours a night in a couple of chunks of time. I’m finding it impossible to nap. I can’t doze off. I tried lying down with the baby in bed today but then she woke up hungry and so much for that.
She doesn’t fuss much, isn’t fond of having her diaper changed and likes to be held. She seems healthy and content.
My hormones are raging. I wake up in the morning feeling pretty good. I eat some breakfast and take a shower after Zoë goes to sleep again. I feel fine until late afternoon when I get the weepys and start to be resentful of the fact that she eats so much. Then I get guilty about my resentment and remind myself that she is a really good baby. I went for a short walk tonight after Zoë fed and felt a little better. I must make a concerted effort to nap tomorrow.
September 11th, 2001
Zoë and I were in bed today when the phone rang. I heard Scott say “Oh dear god.” And then say something about there being military action. I got us up to see what was going on. I came out and said “What happened?” Scott told me “ We might see the start of a war today. Four planes have been hijacked. Two flew into the Twin Towers in New York and one crashed onto the Pentagon.” We turned on the news and sat down. We were supposed to start parent/baby classes today but we thought it was more important to stay home and see if the world lived or died.
I kept thinking “When this happened I was trying to get Zoë to go to sleep. While the towers were collapsing I was hoping the baby would stop fussing.”
Then I found that my post partum depression and my thoughts of “This was a mistake” sort of went away. I then discovered I didn’t want to put Zoë down. We took turns holding her until about 3:00 in the afternoon when Scott said “We need to turn this off. Let’s take the baby for a walk.” So we did. We’ve been avoiding the television ever since, trying to keep ourselves sensitive and not get numbed out by watching the images over and over agan.
Our friends Jeff and Debbie are stuck in Japan as all flights to Canada have been cancelled. Everyone else we know in the New York area is okay.
September 15th, 2001
Well, we’ve been home for 2 weeks now and we’re getting along awfully well. My hormones are starting to even out and Zoë is a remarkably good baby. We’ve been making a concerted effort to go out or at least outside everyday. I’m hoping we can hit the bookstore tonight. Scott has kept up on his Everquest playing and we were able to play together on Thursday night. It was nice to have something to distract us from the tragedy on Tuesday for at least a while.
Jeff and Debbie have a flight home on Sunday.
September 18th, 2001
Scott’s parents and grandmother arrive tomorrow. They will be around for almost a week and I’m quite sure that Scott and I will be able to hold her at least once during that time.
Zoë had her first well baby check yesterday. She was given a clean bill of health and we were told by our doctor to seriously reconsider our choice to co-sleep with our baby. He says “The choices you make in the first 5-6 weeks are choices you’ll be dealing with in the next 5-6 years.” Well, when you put it that way! Sheesh.
We’ve been driving around with a baby in the car a couple of times a week for a few weeks now. Is it just me or do all new parents have a heightened sense of awareness when it comes to bad drivers? We were coming back from parent/baby class today and I saw a woman reading some flyer while she was driving. I said to Scott “The lady on your right is reading.” Scott said “Oh mother of god!” It was all I could do to not shout out the window “Don’t you know I have a baby you schmuck?! Be careful!”
Zoë is getting chubby. I think she’s going to be a square baby.
September 20, 2001
Scott’s parents got here last night and promptly came over and took the baby away from us. It’s really neat to watch them with her.
We’re trying to get Zoë to sleep in her bassinet at night. Night before last she went down at one in the morning and was up every hour until four. She slept for two hours was up from six to seven and then I took her in bed with us for another couple hours. Last night she was fussy from eleven to one. We put her in her bassinet at one. She woke up at one-thirty. I said to myself “I gotta sleep more than half an hour at a time.” I brought her into bed with us. She slept until six. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know!
I’ve noticed that my arms are starting to be sore in spots where I don’t usually use those muscles. Maybe I could have an infomercial that featured a babydoll you add weight to every couple days. I would sell the idea that you can build your upper body strength by lifting a baby many times a day! I’ll make a fortune! Ha ha ha! Or maybe I should just take a nap.
September 23rd, 2001
Zoë has been sleeping with us successfully since her arrival at home. It’s just too easy to roll over, nurse her and we both go back to sleep. She sleeps better and longer when she’s in bed with us. Besides, I check on her so much if she’s in bed with us I just open my eyes. I like this much better than sit up, lean over the bassinet, hold my fingers under her nose, wake the baby, soothe the baby, lay back down, go back to sleep.
There are a couple of challenges though. I didn’t realize how much she squirms around. She always manages to wind up nose to nose with me. Maybe the downward slope of the mattress makes her slide towards me. I don’t know.
The closer morning gets the harder it gets to find a spot on the sheets that doesn’t have a puddle of fresh or regurgitated breast milk on it. I’ve got four or five cloth diapers on my night stand to sop up baby spew and a couple of terry towels that I put under my body to absorb the stuff that leaks out of my body.
The other night she was really insecure for some reason. The only way she would sleep was if she could feel me breathing on top of her head. So I contorted myself around to oblige this request. My neck still hurts.
September 24th, 2001
I tried to put the car seat base in my Saturn SC2 coupe today. No dice. Not in the front and not in the back.
It appears won’t be a coupe owner any longer. I need to trade ol’ Sadie Mae in on something with four doors.
I love my car. I love the fact that it has scars from where I crashed it just before Christmas 3 years ago I love my cow print seat covers. I love the sunroof and the CD player and how I feel really good driving it.
I know that psychologically I love my car because it makes me feel 16 again. It’s a prop I can use to be confident. A car you can smoke in, sing really loud in, eat cheeseburgers in, attract boys in.
Without my coupe what will I be? Old, unhip, conservative, unattractive and boring. A boring car to go with my boring life.
Four doors hauls kids to soccer practice and groceries home from the store.
Two doors cruises up the coast to Santa Barbara.
I went out to run errands yesterday. I rolled the roof back and listened to Henry Rollins spoken word albums. I can’t do that with a baby in the car, he swears waaaaayyyy to much for Zoë to hear just yet.
And so, this week I will go and find out how much it will cost to fix my front fender and get Sadie registered and legal like. Then we’ll go out looking for something bigger with four doors that a car seat will fit in.
I’m going to put cow print seat covers in it though.
©2001/2002 W. Scott Snyder and Amanda N. Snyder, All Rights Reserved