California Sucks

words by W. Scott Snyder

TTTO: The Toronto Song, by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie

Vamp: C G F G

“I recently moved from Los Angeles, California to Illinois. It was quite a bit of culture shock at first, but I decided that rather than cling to my California identity, I would become a TRUE Illinoisian. Of course, first, I had to figure out what that was. So I, started asking people, and I learned quite a few things. I learned that True Illinoisans like me, why we like things like, Abraham Lincoln, corn, The Fighting Illini (even when they lose), and anything that’s flat. Well, except girls. But I also learned there are a few things that True Illinoisans, we just don’t like. On top of that list? I’m afraid it’s true… Los Angeles, California. And in the spirit of being a True Illinoisan, , I’ve decided that I hate Los Angeles.”

C G

I hate Disneyland, and Hollywood too

F G

I hate the walk of stars and the LA Zoo

C G

The rent’s too high, the people are mean

F G

The beaches are dirty and the streets are unclean

C F

The women are bimbos and the men are all gay

C G

And everyone’s an actor waiting tables by day

C F

The water is polluted and the mayor’s a dork

C G

And they dress real weird, almost bad as New York

C G F C G C/G/F/G

LA Califo----rnia

“But you know, it’s not just Los Angeles that I hate. No, no! It’s pretty much, all of California.”

Oh I hate San Jose, and San Diego

Blythe and Fremont and San Bernardino

Sacramento sucks and the Golden Gate sucks

Barstow sucks and Eureka sucks

California----a sucks!

“The more people I talked to, well the more I realized that, why, it’s not just California that I hate! No, no! There are many places in this great big country of ours that I hate! Well, except Illinois. Hey, I love Illinois! We’ve got things like Corn….. and we’ve got ah….. well, we’ve got corn.”

Well I hate Texas cause they talk so weird

The state of Rhode Island is, too small!

In the Pacific Northwest it rains all day

In the Southwest you can’t stand the heat in May!

The Rockies are so high that the people can’t breathe!

California sucks! California sucks!

“In Tennessee there’s a law that says it’s illegal to lasso a fish. Isn’t that stupid?”

Florida is boring and the people are old

Minnesota and Michigan are, too cold!

The south is never going to rise again,

Maryland is full of crabby old men

The central US is too damn flat

No one lives in the east but stupid bureaucrats

“And the only good thing about the state of Indiana, is that they are right next to us…”

Cause Illinois, doesn’t suck

But Chicago does….