I've walked the last few days. On Thursday and Friday I took the baby up to Thompson Creek Trail and pushed her in the stroller. It's a very nice amenity the city of Claremont offers. It's a paved trail through Sycamore Canyon and behind some residential homes. Thursday I was enjoying my brisk walk until I realized we were going downhill and would have to walk uphill back to the car. I turned around right away. Friday, I started with the uphill portion. It felt good to exert myself. It was somewhat depressing to see just how out of shape I am. I was puffing almost right away. But, I perservered and walked uphill for 10 minutes. Then I walked downhill for 15 minutes. My calves, of all things, are sore.
Today, Scott and I went to Disneyland to get our annual passes. It was Zoë's first outing to the Magic Kingdom. She really likes being outside and watching people. She fell asleep after an hour and a half or so. Disneyland has a cool feature called the Baby Care Center. It's equiped with high chairs, a big changing area that includes somewhere to rinse out cloth diapers, a separate area for nursing and a small kitchenette for preparing formula or baby food. They also sell diapers, wipes, ointment, baby food and formula. So, you could go with an empty diaper bag and still be able to buy everything you need. The park was packed and this little center was very close to empty. I'm glad I knew about it.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 6:23 PM

Zoë and I were driving back from Kathye's today when we got stuck in traffic. We only spent 2 1/2 hours down at my friend's house. Zoë just wouldn't go to sleep and I knew she was really tired. Kathye's two kids love the baby and like to play with her and her toys when we come over. We were there today from 11:30 until 2:15. She was asleep in her car seat before I made it to the end of Kathye's block. Anyway, the baby was asleep in the back and suddenly we were in gridlock. I'm thinking "At 2:20 on a Wednesday? Huh?" After creeping through 2 signals someone behind me but in a different lane started honking their horn. I always wonder why people do this. All cars in four lanes of traffic are at a dead standstill. Do you think that everyone has just become lost with their daydreams at the wheel and you are going to wake us all up by tooting the horn of your car? I can see this Acura coupe in my rearview mirror. It's to my right. The light is green but no cars are moving.
"Honk! Honk! Honk!" The Acura is attempting to wake us up and let them through. I can now see it's a teenage girl driving with 2 other teenage girls in the car.
"Honk! Honk! Honk!" She's trying to get us out of her way again.
"Honk! Honk! HONK! Honk!"
"HONK! HONK! HONK!"
"HHHHHOOOONNNNNNKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After the long blast, a female body emerges from the window of the car in front of the teenage girl's Acura. The female in the lead car sits on the sill of the window and points her finger at the little sports car. I can hear her shouting something. I assume it is something like this: "Shut the f*** up or I'm gonna kick your a**!"
The rest of my drive past the accident causing the tie up is quiet and well behaved.
The baby slept through it all.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 9:11 PM

For some reason my patience was shot yesterday. Maybe it's because the day was pretty full. We had Diaper Gym at 10:30. Then we went to Target. We got home about 12:30. The phone rang. It was my mom asking if we could bring her some lunch to her office. Out the door again at 1:15 with leftover Waldorf salad and 'NIlla Wafers. We had lunch with my mom and were back home at 3:00. I inflated and filled up the wading pool I bought, forgetting that the water coming out of the hose is cold. I let the baby splash her hands in it a little. Zoë napped during all the running around in the car. Her nose has been a little stuffed up and she hasn't been very interested in food, just breast milk, so I breast fed her all day yesterday. By 4:30 I was exhausted. Zoë on the other hand was quite exuberant and wanted to play. I called Scott at 5:00 asking if he knew when he'd be leaving. He said he had at least two hours left. I started to rock Zoë, hoping she'd fall asleep. I finally, finally got Zoë to take a nap from 6:30 to 7:30. She woke up and we took a bath. Now, baths are supposed to relax babies but last night the soak just seemed to energize her. Scott got home at 8:30 and had a bad headache. (I've found that a chilled, large size teething ring feels pretty good against your skull when your head aches.) Zoë was still going strong, shouting and waving her toys around in the air. Usually we're really good about holding her down when it's time for her to sleep but we were both so tired it was just easier to let her play. We turned off all the lights and I started rocking at 9:30. She went to sleep 15 minutes later. I'm still all tuckered out from yesterday.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 8:17 AM

Scott and I have a Tivo. It lets you record stuff off tv to watch later but saves it onto a drive instead of a tape. This allows me to record a LOT of shows. I tend to record the documentaries that air pretty late on HBO, Showtime, TLC and the Discovery channel. Some of them are educational but most are sociological in nature. Then I wait for Scott to come home so I can tell him about the female-to-male transsexual who now has ovarion cancer. Or the film about the prostitutes in the Bronx that featured a woman who's methedone treatment made her teeth fall out. I'm into that kind of thing.
And I really, really liked the Vagina Monolouges. My mom mentioned to me today that she talked with my godmother about the Vagina Monolouges. My godmother, Marla, knew some women who saw it in L.A. and found it "very lesbian". I said "Huh? What's lesbian about it? Because they talk about lesbians in a couple of the pieces?" Mom explained to me that Marla then said something about these women being happily married. I asked what that had to do with it. Mom didn't know either.
I'm reading Anne Heche's autobiography. Very depressing, I'm moving on to A Walk in the Woods .
posted by Amanda Snyder at 10:52 PM

A friend of ours is doing some financial advising for us. We're buying life insurance and making plans for retirement and putting money away for Zoë's education. I've never felt like such a grown-up. After meeting with our new finance guy I discovered that I needed to take a look at my spending. Money comes in and I seem to find a home for it twenty dollars at a time. I started asking myself questions like in those Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlets they passed out in Junior High; Do I shop in secret? Yes. Do I lie about how much I buy? Yes. Do I hide the items I purchase? Yes. Do you ever feel ashamed after your shopping trips? Yes. Oh boy. I shop to break up the day, to battle boredom, to make myself feel better, to get cute things for the baby.

I had to go to Wal-Mart on Thursday as I was going to be seeing my mom at a birthday dinner for our friend Ana and if I showed without a birthday gift for my mom her feelings would be really hurt. (Her birthday was on March 2nd so it's not like I've had no time.) I got gifts for my mom and Ana and get up to the check out. I was at the Wal-Mart in Orange California which is much nicer than the one up here by my house. They smile and say hi and the merchandise tends to be a little nicer. The credit card I had had Scott's name on it. It's a Wal-Mart card and I'd used it up in Upland the day before. The cashier asked to see my picture i.d. I showed her that the last names matched and our checks with both names on them. She said she couldn't take it but she'd call her manager to make sure. The people behind me started to sigh. Her manager walked up. The cashier explained what was going on and the manager said "If the name isn't the same we can't take it." I interjected that I'd just used the card not 24 hours before at another store with no problems. The manager, who was younger than me, pulled her breath in over her teeth and said "Oh, they shouldn't have done that." I was getting ready to be indignant. I wasn't buying electronics or prescription drugs or jewlery that I'd be hocking for cash. I was buying a bathrobe and body scrub and gift bags. Then I recognized the look on her face. That "I really hope this lady doesn't give me any trouble. I can't take being yelled at any more today." look. And I thought how she's not a manager at Wal-Mart because it's fun. She's a manager at Wal-Mart because she needs the money for rent and food and maybe toys for her kids or tuition for school. I thought about how I felt on the other side of the counter where people make assumptions about your intelligence based on the fact you wear a name tag to work. I didn't want to the be topic of conversation in the break room that day. I put all the bags back on the counter and left. I drove up to the Wal-Mart in Upland, bought all the same stuff and went home. My mom loved her present.

posted by Amanda Snyder at 7:01 AM

We've been battling ants. Ants everywhere in the kitchen. On the countertops, in the sink, in the dishwasher. in the trash can. If any food of any kind is left out those ants are all over it. I actually saw an ant carrying the body of a dead ant a couple days ago. What was he going to do with the casualty? Give him a decent burial? What? Sometimes there are so many ants on the kitchen floor I use a mop to wipe them up. The floor in front of the stove is very clean right now. And in the bathroom. What do they want in there? Are they checking their make up? Do they need to wash up? What? I keep telling them they're not welcome and it's time for them to go but they don't listen. We got an ultrasonic pest repeller that plugs into the wall. Apparently the ants don't understand that the gizmo is talking to them because they've been ignoring it. Now, I grew up in Southern California and am completely used to this. The trick is to make sure that the forward wave of ants find nothing of interest and go back to the hill and say "Nothing there for us." You could leave a tiny cookie in a totally empty house and the ants would come back for months thinking "There was that cookie here that one time. Remember?" Now that they've found stuff that is apparently exciting for ants in my house they keep coming back in to check. I've heard that you can wash the kitchen with vinegar as ants use a scent trail to find their way back to favorite spots. I'll have to try that before spraying Raid around. F*****g ants!
posted by Amanda Snyder at 11:06 PM

We've had a bunch of firsts around here in the last week. Zoë and I went to our first Diaper Gym class. Zoë clapped her hands for the first time. I had my first case of mommy-brain and my first bout of mommy horror.

Diaper Gym is a class offered by the big athletic club here in Claremont. We attended with 13 other babies. We sing songs, do movements, explore equipment and then play with a big parachute and bubbles. All of this is supposed to help their brains develop. At the same time they get to look at other babies. Afterwards she was all tuckered out and took a good nap. I'm looking forward to going every week.

A couple days after diaper gym, where a lot of hand clapping goes on, Zoë clapped her hands all on her own! She does this all the time now.

I got the baby some applesauce for lunch the other day, fed her and went to rinse out her bowl. I discovered I'd left the refrigerator door open. Mommy brain!

Now for mommy-horror. We went to have breakfast with several friends on Sunday. Zoë was sitting in a high chair between Scott and I and we weren't paying as close attention as we probably should have. Zoë was playing with her toys and had gotten a hold of a paper napkin. I knew she had it and that she like to wave them around. Well, the napkin went right into her mouth. She bit off a piece and then I heard her start to cough. I turned to my left to see her choking. I shoved my finger into her mouth and pulled a bit of wet, paper napkin out. I yanked her out of the chair and she threw up a little. She gave one little cough, you know, "kough!" and then clapped her hands and was back to normal. I had such an adrenaline rush I got dizzy. I was breathing really hard and my heart was going a million miles an hour. I hugged and hugged and hugged the baby. She started to loose patience right around then so I took her home early.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 8:00 AM

On a whim I Tivo'ed Teletubbies for Zoë. I'd put it on before and she hadn't paid much attention but I thought I'd give it another shot just because I was curious. She watches it. She doesn't watch the live action stuff but she keenly pays attention to the Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-la and Po. How awful I am!
posted by Amanda Snyder at 1:18 PM

Kathye and I had a good conversation today about the importance of wallowing. I also call this "indulging in behavior". Wallowing happens a few times a year and causes one to sit in a deep funk, being angry and resentful at the world in general. This differs from depression in that you usually enjoy the sitting in a deep, dark puddle of self pity for a few hours. Internal dialog goes something like this: Wow, I'm pathetic. No wonder I have no friends, well, so few friends. Anyway, I'm uneducated and have horrid children and my clothes are ugly. I should be self made millionaire by now if I'd just gotten off my dead ass and done something with my life........ I'm hungry" Then you decide to go out and get some comfort drive-thru food. (By the way, this is never, ever In-N-Out Burger. You are not worthy of an In-N-Out burger while wallowing. Mcdonald's is all you qualify for.) But you have no cash so you have to go to the ATM which is always out of order, forcing you to drive around looking for another ATM. Then you are cut off in traffic by every other car on the road. It takes McDonald's a while to understand you want a Big Mac combo and A SINGLE BIG MAC SANDWICH. Then you feel all disgusted with yourself for ordering so much food so you only eat a few fries. Afterwards you watch very terrible movies. Because, who do you think you're fooling with all those "indie films" you watch? Blair Witch 2 is probably right around the level you belong. Or you watch trash TV and try to relate to the people on the shows as you really are one of them. You start to feel better right around then and the day generally ends up being okay. The next day you are fine and go about your normal activities. My friend Stephanie claims that everyone goes certifiably insane one day of each year. The reason people just go nuts from out of the blue is because they surpress all their insane days and then have to let it out all at once. I've had my wallowing today and am feeling much better.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 8:54 PM

I did not have the best day today. Crystal, a mom I met through Claremont Moms club, annonced that her husband bought a house in Torrance and she's moving. My best friend, Kathye, is home alone with her two kids while her husband is on a business trip to Orlando and has just been diagnosed with bronchitis. My grandfather has booked himself for surgery on the 30th. There was a big music convention in Toronto this last weekend that we obviously couldn't go to and now the message board that talks about that sort of thing is discussing all the people they missed and my name never came up. Now I'm in this horrible "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me" mood. I had patience for the baby until 6 pm and then I had to change her diaper. She decided she didn't want to be put down and stiffened up her entire body after I took her diaper off. She smeared poo all over her legs and the changing table. I tried to pick her legs up to clean her off twice and both times she tensed up again. I finally got her wiped off and put her in her crib while I put a new cover on the changing pad and washed my hands. I took her downstairs to hold her and she kicked and cried. Her legs have gotten long enough that when she wants to she can put her foot on my chin. This means she can also kick me in the jaw. After hitting me on the side of the face twice I put her in the swing and called Scott to make sure he was on his way home. I hope I feel better tomorrow.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 10:25 PM

Zoë frightened me the other day. I had put her down in her crib to play while I went to the bathroom. I was loitering around in there, picking at my skin and stuff - for a while. I went back into the nursery and Zoë had pulled her blanket so that it covered her body from hips to chin. She was laying with her head away from me in the crib. All I could see from my angle was the baby's very still legs sticking out from under a blanket that appeared to be covering her face. I came to the logical conclusion that my child had smothered herself while I popped my zits. I rushed to the side of her bed and saw her grinning up at me like she'd just pulled off the greatest practical joke of all time. Maybe she did.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 2:52 PM

I've been making Zoë's food. Not out of any desire to see that she eats organic or so that I'll know exactly where her food comes from. I'm making her food because it's cheaper. For example, a jar of baby food costs around seventy cents. If I spend three dollars on sweet potatoes I can net the equivalent of 36 jars. A large savings indeed! Yams are the most labor intensive. Boil, skin, puree, force through a strainer, pour into ice cube trays and freeze. Bananas are the easiest. Peel, slice, puree, pour and freeze. Peas and carrots are somewhere in the middle. If you buy baby carrots they're already peeled so the process is the same: cook till very tender, puree, strain, pour and freeze. Applesauce simply isn't worth the time to peel, core, chop, boil, puree, strain and store. For the same money I can buy a big jar of unsweetened applesauce and save myself a bunch of steps. There is a way that you can make your own rice cereal but I don't feel the need and just buy the box from Gerber.

With her food frozen here's what our morning looks like: Get up, change the baby, put baby into activity center, get caffinated beverage, take out small plastic bowl, place one cube of frozen banana in bowl, micorwave at 50% power for 1 minute, pour in refrigerated formula, heat 30 seconds more, add rice cereal, stir, get baby into high chair, put large bib on baby, place toys on high chair tray, get paper, read comics while shoveling rice cereal/banana mixture into baby's mouth trying to miss the toys being chewed on by said baby, eat any cereal baby did not finish, call this breakfast, finish caffinated beverage, run water in sink until warm, wet washcloth, wipe baby's face and hands, baby screams like banshee being branded, take bib off baby, put washcloth and bib in washing machine, rinse bowl and spoon, open dishwasher, find ants in dishwasher, swear, put dish and spoon in dishwasher, turn on, take baby out of high chair, discover baby has transfered food from tray onto her hand and then onto her face, wipe baby's face with a baby wipe, baby attempts to chew baby wipe and makes ugly face, sit down to nurse baby, watch the beginning of Good Morning America.
posted by Amanda Snyder at 7:46 PM